and she just asked me, all jokey (with an undercurrent of WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE CONDOMS), “So what, did you buy those condoms because you were hopeful?” and I had to play it off all “Oh my god, Mom, as if, it’s because my friends dared me to so I did,” all LOL OH MA YOU SO FUNNY LOL THAT’S SUCH A HILARIOUS JOKE ESPESH BECAUSE YOU AND I ARE UNCOMFORTABLE DISCUSSING SEX LOLOLOL, y’know, but really inside I was weeping buckets because IT’S TRUE, IT’S ABSOLUTELY TRUE, I bought those condoms in the sad, desperate hope that eventually I would have use for them once more and she hit the nail on the tragic, tragic (lack of) head.
reading things where one person is all Blah I am sleepy I don’t want to fool around and then the other person is like Ha ha jaykay that’s not gonna happen, tease tease tease til ya ready ta go!!
When I woke up this afternoon I found this note from Chrysanthemum on my laptop.
And then Tulip came home for like two minutes and introduced me to her boyfriend and told me it was criminal for me to be home during Drunk Day weekend. “It’s time to get wild!!” and then she winked a lot and told me that she and her boyfriend wouldn’t be home until midnight.
And then Nightshade and Rhododendron got back from the grocery store with ice cream for me and tried to use it to bribe me to go find me some sexxx.
The worst part about changing all my internet languages to French is that the word in French for single/unmarried is “célibataire.”
Ugh, fuck off, Facebook, YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.
a fairly sure sign of sexual frustration comes when one is watching a documentary about Stonehenge in archaeology lecture and finds oneself attracted to the prehistoric Britons.
because pretty much everybody in the world is fair fucking game.
Oh, you’re 50? THAT’S STILL OKAY, I’M A LEGAL ADULT!!
Oh, you’re 16? DEPENDING ON WHAT THE AGE OF CONSENT IS WHERE YOU LIVE, THAT’S PROBABLY STILL OKAY!! ALSO I AM STILL A TEENAGER SO THERE YOU HAVE IT!!
all the pretty, young things in Hollywood etc.
are right around my age.
I know he’s not a Hollywood PYT but I just figured out that fucking Francisco Lachowski is younger than my best friend. What is this life I’m living.
E v e r y o n e.